I thought I would spice things up a bit
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Food Distributor
Abnegation
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Post by Grey A. Hudson on Jul 24, 2014 23:40:52 GMT -5
Well here she was. Grey was standing at the entrance to the Dauntless compound. It had been what? … Three years since she has stepped foot in this place. Grey was a goods distributor, however, because of her circumstances she had almost always managed to escape deliveries that involved the dauntless. Yes, sometimes she had to come here no matter what, but she never had to go inside -- not like today. Usually all she had to do was drop stuff off outside of the door and the dauntless guards would take it from there. Today was different though – she was delivering two small boxes of what seemed to be tattooing ink. Grey, unfortunately, was instructed to bring it in herself to the tattoo parlor. She vaguely remembered begging her coordinator to let her off the hook this morning, but no. The lack of workers provided in the food distributions office as well as the ever-circulating flu had seemed to leave her no choice. This did not enlighten her ever popular mood around the abnegation. So here she was, knocking on the door to her old faction. Panicking thoughts were rushing through her mind. What if I see my father? … What if someone calls me out? Calls me a traitor… The looks they will give me … What if I see … She gulped … Asa? … Her nerves were like electric wires on the inside --- however on the outside she still seemed like the calm and passive little abnegation girl that no one would notice under all the gray. Surely no one would recognize her, right? She seemed to blend in wherever she went in the gray baggy cargo pants she wore that seemed to block out any distinguishing features a girl might have from a boy. But here, she felt like there was a big red flashing light telling everyone around her, "Hey guys! I'm back! Grey, remember me!? The girl who just up-n-left you!"Gray was immediately escorted inside. She looked around to see the black cave form around her and the familiar blue light that seemed to bring back so many memories of running through these halls as a child. Once entering what she remembered to be the pit, her eyes widened and her ears welcomed the sounds of dauntless noise and the gushing river at the other end of the compound and then suddenly she felt a strong pain In her heart as she remembered the day her mother’s mangled body was found down at the bottom of that river. It felt so comforting yet repulsing at the same time and Grey was nearly wanted to puke. That was when the guard made a snide remark at her, a comment that Grey just pushed aside. “I’ve got it from here, thank you. I remember from my last delivery.” Grey lied. She had never delivered to the tattoo parlor before --- but she would never forget where she got her first tattoo. The guard simply nodded and left her in a grumbling attitude about how the abnegation were such know-it-alls. Wrong faction dude --- that would be the erudite who are know-it-alls Grey thought to herself. She kept her head down the whole way as she walked up the stair cases with no railings and towards the parlor. She had only received a few odd looks and only saw some slightly familiar faces – however none seemed to takeenough interest into Grey to be able to recognize her. Good! she thought, because all she wanted was to get out quick. She didn’t know what she would do if she happened to run into --- Shit! Grey screamed in her mind and let out a tiny sound of panic that she hoped no one would catch. She had just walked into the parlor and there sitting nearly ten feet away was him… He had short dark hair, broad shoulders and icy blue eyes. It was undoubtedly him, Asa. Grey was transfixed and frozen for a mere minute as she took him in. He looked so much older, stronger and more serious than ever before. Was this really the playful little boy that blushed like a tomato the first time he kissed her on the cheek? It seemed he had lost his playful smile and was… well, not the same old Asa from this distance. Three years could do a lot to a person. Grey’s heart sunk, she couldn’t handle this. Just my luck... she thought.This was too hard for her, too much. She was so interested and she wanted to know so much about Asa like how he was doing, how his initiation went and why he was working in the tattoo parlor… but that was simply too hard for her to do. How would he take that? And how could Grey take back in her old friend knowing that she already sucked at being in abnegation --- she had been trying for some three years to forget all about this place so she could fit better into abnegation and conversing with old dauntless friends would just set her back once more. This would just make things worse. Uhhhhhhhhgggggggggggg! She was torn and her head was reeling between the options. What if he hated her now? Called her a traitor? Hurt because she never told him her thoughts on leaving dauntless and just walked away from the choosing ceremony without even a glance in his direction. What if he was devastated? Grey wouldn't blame him either way. Grey choked, kept her head down, tried to look normal and walked over to the nearest table to set the paints down. Maybe he wouldn’t notice, maybe she could just make a run for it.
tag; Asa T. Brechtnotes; sorry, I didn't intend for it to be so long. I just got excited. |
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“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Tattoo Artist
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Kendall
is Offline
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11 posts
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Dauntless
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Post by Asa T. Brecht on Jul 25, 2014 17:24:55 GMT -5
| asa terrance Brecht
It was always normal routine now. Every day was the same. Nothing seemed to change, even though it was constantly changing every moment I breathed. Waking up to my sister''s alarm in the next room and dosing off for a couple minutes until I told myself it was actually time to get up. I combed my hair the same way I had for the past 17 years. It was the only thing that seemed to stay constant in my whirlpool life. People would come and go from the tattoo parlor, getting tattoos in different places. I enjoyed the small talk, it was a way to act happy. Momma alway said that if you act happy you will be happy. I did was Momma said because she lived a good like and she was smart. But this was the one thing that didn't work. i didn't feel happy. It was a fake happiness that slowly faded away with the sun. Then I would close the shop and drink away my feelings until I made my way home and passed out on my bed. The same bed that I have had since I was out of the crib. The same bed Grey and I had sleepovers in when we were five. The memories haunted me but kept me grounded. Momma wanted me to leave but I couldn't get myself to leave.
I found myself in the sleep parlor earlier then I would have liked to be. A chill was in the air so I wore my sweater I bought for winter. It always was cold in the parlor but my coworkers joked it was because I don't have any spine. They know well I do, coming first in line for dauntless born was no an easy task. I never paid attention to the overall - I knew I was in. There was no way I would become factionless. But my mind kept spinning that if that happened I could have seen her all the time. But she would be helping me, and I wanted to be the man and help her. Instead of being with her she was miles away in another fraction. And I was hear sitting at the desk, stetching stupid little things on the notepad. My boss told me to come early for a package. Sometimes I wish I was the boss. I wouldn't have to take orders from anyone. It would be easier and I wouldn't be here as much.
Tattooing was always a weird job. People say you get used to it. But something about poking needles in people because they wanted it was just a little strange. But it was exciting to say the least. You get to know people. Everyone seems open when they are about to feel pain. But I wasn't like that. I was someone who happened to shut my emotions down into the cellar when I didm't want them. But they always ruled out in the end. What a horrible thing to feel. But sure a beautiful thing as well.
As my hands etched designs onto the white paper I heard footsteps towards the front of the store. At first I didn't look up, I just listened to the footsteps. Personally, I was hoping that it was a initiate that was too nervous to come during the day so they came in the morning to get a tattoo. Getting his mind off things was just something he needed. And a tattoo job would be just right. Looking up he, his lips curved into his signature smile. "Hey, how can I help you?" But as my eyes met the person in front of my my smile turned into a look of disbelief. "Huddy?" My voice barely escapes my lips.
A look of panic struck my face. My whole body wanted to run away and hide and pretend I didn't see her. But my heart jumped could too hear. I hadn't seen her for 3 years. It didn't look like grey. Her usual black tight pants were replaced with baggy grey ones that didn't show her curves well. Every thought rushed through my mind. What should I say? What should I do? Should i just smile and great her? No, that would be too forgiving. Should I hug her? I wasn't sure if Abnegation people were into that sort of thing. I knew I really wanted to just kiss her. Make up for what I didn't do 3 years ago. Maybe she would have stayed if I did.
Maybe she wouldn't have left me.
That's all that ran through my mind as I looked at her with my icy blue eyes. My heart felt like it was torn in half, wanting two different things. It wanted to love her but my brain told me to run as fast as you could. If I didn't run I would be left to die. I knew she would leave me again and I would get up and wait for her to come back to me. Even though I thought of her as my long lost girl, she thought of me as someone who she had to leave behind in order to adapt to her life as a selfless individual. I never understood why she left and that's all I wanted to know. Why? Not how she was or what was it like in Abnegation but why she left. Everything we went though I thought she would stay with me. I helped her when her mother died but she repaid me with a cold shoulder to the boring way of life. My childhood was standing right in front of me. All I could do was stand their motionless.
"You've..." I paused look at her. Gulping I didn't loo at her in the eye. "Changed." My voice was cold. Not a mean evil cold, but a cold I believed was appropriate. I was planning on masking all my emotions behind a wall. But Grey was a bulldozer, waiting to not it down.
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THANK YOU MALIA TATE FROM ADOXOGRAPHY |
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I thought I would spice things up a bit
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Food Distributor
Abnegation
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Post by Grey A. Hudson on Jul 26, 2014 23:49:22 GMT -5
Grey A. Hudson
Asa smiled up at her, obviously not yet realizing it was her yet "Hey, how can I help you? "Until he looked up at her and a sudden shock grew on his face. A look that Grey knew must’ve been on her face as well "Huddy?" His voice managed. Grey winced at her former nickname, something no one else but an old friend would be able to call her. She suddenly reminded herself of Mara who had just recently called her by that name -- it seemed that her past was just out to get her lately.
He looked great, magnificent and the only thing Grey wanted to do at that exact moment was to run up to him and embrace him in a hug just to make sure he was actually real. But she couldn’t, she could only return the sudden shock of peril that seemed to collapse on Asa as well.
Asa might as well have been the symbol of her guilt in leaving dauntless. Sure, she had other friends and connections here, but none as strong as his. No one else that made her want to shorten the 20 feet that must’ve been between them at this moment. She shuttered at the cold, or maybe it was the icy blue eyes that Asa was giving to her. She had suddenly wished she had brought a jacket with her. It was amazing how cold the pit was compared to the above-ground average temperature this time of year.
What would he do? Would he lash out at her? Did he miss her as much as she did him. Her heart longed to be back here at that very moment. Grey just wanted to laugh the whole thing off as if it were a joke, as if Asa was nothing but a dream and a dauntless stranger. But no, her memory of him was too strong for that.
"You've..." Asa said with a pause "Changed." His voice was empty and emotionless. Grey’s heart lurched and her worst fears just became a reality. She set down the box of paints – her hands shaking. She gripped the hem of her shirt to hold them still. Her voice trembled and made a squeak as she attempted to speak but then decided against it. What could she say? Yes, I changed a lot, but not really because I still have feelings for you and this large pit surrounding us?! But she couldn’t say that.
Grey started shaking her head side to side and she felt a sudden heat behind her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry, but she had an overwhelming desire to break down and do so. Thankfully, however, Grey straitened herself and gestured to him and said the first thing that came to her mind, “And you haven’t.” She said it stupidly without really thinking and recoiled, “I mean, uh, not in a bad way…uhh.” She palmed her face. I’m so stupid. She thought.
“God, please don’t hate me…” She whispered, just barely audible.
If I could have one wish, it would be for our stars to align
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“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Tattoo Artist
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Kendall
is Offline
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11 posts
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Dauntless
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Post by Asa T. Brecht on Jul 27, 2014 14:59:32 GMT -5
Grey A. Hudson i am at a family reunion so reply might be delayed a little | asa terrance Brecht
At first I prayed to the Lord to give me a sign. Was this even real? Or was my brain just hurting me, all the memories of childhood and the fear landscape all in one. My hand twitched, I knew all I wanted to do was touch her. Make sure I wasn't dreaming. But it had to be real. I was at work and the last place I dreamed of was work. Grey seemed to be in shock too. Her sweet voice whimpered as I called her Huddy. I knew they didn't like nicknames in Abnegation. Apperiantly it was selfish. But in reality, everything was selfish. "Oh my god..." I whispered to myself as she was about to talk.
Grey had always been the cutest girl I have ever seen. I never realized how blessed I was to have a beautiful girl who told me her feelings and shared her childhood with me. Now, I damn myself for taking it for granted. The saying, You don't Know what you have until it's gone was something I realized was true the moment her blood dripped on the cold stones of Abnegation. She stared into my icy eyes and I had to look away. I couldn't let her know how I felt. It would cause problems for both of us. I wanted to look strong for Grey. But nightmares about her and my family still plague me until this day.
“And you haven’t.” I watched as her body recoiled with her thoughts. I wanted to smile, the tips of my lips slowly starting to point upward but quickly go back down as she spoke again. “I mean, uh, not in a bad way…uhh." My body tenses up. I had changed, in little ways. I looked older, had more tattoos and I was a lot better at hiding how I felt. "I guess it hasn't. I wasn't the one that left the fraction after all." My voice cut through the air. A pang of guilt ran though my veins once I realized what I had said. I shouldn't blame her. It was her rightful choice, but I felt betrayed and I was doing my best trying to forget it. How much longer would we have? How much longer would it be before I would see her again? Maybe never. I couldn't risk it. I had to accept who Grey was know but a part of me still held on. She was out there somewhere, I had to just find her.
Grey's voice was barely audible. Her words mumbled out of her mouth as though she was saying something that would get her in trouble anyway. She spoke into her self as though she was speaking her thoughts. But not like a Candor, more in a shy way. It was as though she wanted me to hear it just enough to say it. “God, please don’t hate me…” I stared at her with a blind stare. Maybe it was for anticipation but I was too stunned to even comprehend what she was saying. Why did this heavens do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? It was as though someone up there wanted to watch me suffer, wanted to watch as I got my heart ripped out and stepped on again. I didn't want to be angry again. It was an emotion I couldn't explain and I don't want to feel. I heart people when I am angry.
Choosing to ignore her comment my eyes fall to the floor after traveling towards the boxes. I didn't know that when I came here this morning I would be receiving a slap to the face as well as a box full of paints. Half of me wanted her to let me sign the papers and leave so I could mindlessly draw pictures on peoples skin. But the other half, was going wild. It wanted to know why? Why for so many things. It was as though I knew I was going to get hurt but I was going to throw myself at it anyway. Mother told me pain was temporary but I was starting to believe it wasn't/ It just keeps coming back in different forms until one day we die from it. Sighing, i rub my arm. "How's Abnegation?" My voice shakes a little. I shouldn't be asking this question. She belonged here, right beside me. But it seemed I was the only person that realized it. "It's obviously..." I gulped, searching for words. "... different." staring into her grey eyes
I was desperately waiting for someone to walk in or another one of my co workers to sign the paper but it was a false hope. No one would be in until later this afternoon when I was good my sift. These were the longest days. I sat here by myself, thinking. And usually, when I think it's not a good thing. People didn't start coming in until about 10. Unless they were crazy, but no one is exactly fully sane in Dauntless. So I fully accepted that maybe this was God's little way of telling me to stop looking because everything I have ever wanted was right in front of me. I just had to be brave enough to reach out and grab it.
But I was afraid. Afraid of rejection and the consequences that would happen for my act of selfishness. What would happen? What if she didn't want me? But what if she did? Was she still brave enough to take the chance, or was it all hidden and gone in front of the Abnegation side that as come out of the darkness?
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THANK YOU MALIA TATE FROM ADOXOGRAPHY |
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I thought I would spice things up a bit
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Food Distributor
Abnegation
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Post by Grey A. Hudson on Aug 1, 2014 23:08:31 GMT -5
Grey A. Hudson
His body tensed up at grey’s words and she still regretted to have said them. . "I guess it hasn't. I wasn't the one that left the fraction after all ."his voice cut the silence around them and grey felt colder than ever. It seemed as if he really did hate her after all. Her face screwed up in aguish and she felt her stomach drop in a very uncomfortable way. Maybe it would be best if she just left. However, as much as she willed her feet to move, they stayed planted in the ground refusing to back away from Asa. There was no way she could leave without him hearing her side of the story.
After those last words she had just given him, he just gave her a blank stare and it was all grey could do to not walk up to him and shake him around or slap him and make him show some sign of emotion other than coldness, guilt and hurt. Why was he the one looking guilty and anguished as if someone were torturing him slowly. Sudden flames of anger licked at her insides as she did not understand how he could not be happier than her in this very moment. He, Asa did not have to live in a faction unfit for him. He, Asa, did not have to go through every day as if he were being strangled to death and confiscated of all emotions. He, Asa, should feel grateful to not have been pushed and scared out of his mind into joining another faction. Why hadn’t he just moved on? Has he really been waiting here all this time feeling lost and stone cold since she left.
But then grey felt a burst of realization. It had been so long…. She had forgotten how loyal Asa was to her. This only made her feel worse about having left him.
"How's Abnegation?" his voice shook as he spoke this "It's obviously... different." He said staring into her eyes. Grey wanted to blurt out many things at the moment horrible! Dreadful, I hate it! I want to be back. Back with you and my friends… I belong here…. But then she was reminded quickly of her mother’s death… a death that would soon meet Asa as well. A death that came much earlier than that of other, less-brutal factions. She was again torn with herself. Grey wished to be able to let out her thoughts, to be completely honest and confide in Asa what she should have told him three years ago. Maybe he would’ve understood her reasoning then. Maybe he would’ve been able to talk her out of it.
But she couldn’t tell him. She swiftly reminded herself of the vigilant cameras surrounding dauntless and looked straight up into one that was above her and Asa. She nodded up to it in a gesture as if to tell Asa that she wanted to tell him something, but the words, if let out in one of the most dangerous factions, would get her into severe trouble. She instead gave a generic abnegation response as if just for the cameras, “Change is harsh, Asa, but at times necessary. Without it we would not know how to manage pain and cope with our past.” Her voice was sincere and pleading. She really needed to confide in Asa. Alone, that is.
“Asa.” She whispered. Tears were forming in her eyes and she was visibly trembling. She bent her face low so the cameras nor asa could really see. Every day was getting worse for her in abnegation and her sanity was nearing its end. She was a fiery beast trapped inside a mindless drone and no one, not even her best friend knew about it, “please, I can’t take it.” A first tear slide down her cheek. Seeing asa was just too much for her to bear.
If I could have one wish, it would be for our stars to align
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“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”
19
years old
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Heterosexual
Single
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Tattoo Artist
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Kendall
is Offline
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11 posts
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Dauntless
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Post by Asa T. Brecht on Aug 5, 2014 14:54:16 GMT -5
| asa terrance Brecht
There was a silence in the room. It was so quiet you could here the faucet in the back of the room dripping because of a leak. Grey didn't open her mouth to speak, and I awkwardly crossed my arms to somehow make things less awkward. When my voice left my mouth, it was as though it was poisoned. It hurt her. I felt bad but I couldn't help myself. I felt so alone and cold that seeing someone who used to make me lit up was too hard. I knew how this should end up. Soon I would sign the paper with the same slob by and oddly shaped signature I had used since the first grade and I would go back to the desk coddling as though it never happened. And Grey would walk out of the store, looking at my signature down on the paper and wonder why she left. But we both knew we weren't going to leave until we both explained ourselves.
I wanted to scream. She kept dodging my questions and I didn't like it. All these questions I wanted to know but a simple answer would suffice to my simple question of 'why?' And when I would ask she would know exactly what I meant without me having to explain. Grey could read my like a book but I was doing my best to lock her out. It didn't even cross my mind until later that she wasn't allowed to talk about herself. It was part of her code of the selfless or whatever. How could we ever say what we wanted if she wasn't allowed to speak her mind. To me, joining that fraction would be like singing a brainwashing voucher.
Instead she gave my a typical respond which made me shake my head. How stupid of me to even ask, “Change is harsh, Asa, but at times necessary. Without it we would not know how to manage pain and cope with our past.” I huffed when she finished. Just looking at her I could see there longing to answer and as her body twitched with the urge to reach out to me, I stepped back until I was leaning on the counter. "Typical Abnegation answer." My voice quiet and cold under my breath. I opened my mouth but for a moment no words came out. I was about to speak of her mother but I chose not to. That would have been cruel. Grey's mother was an Aunt to me. "But was your change nessecary? I have learned that running away from something leads you right back to where you started." And by that I meant her. I was running from her but I found my way back to her. I wonder if she would get my point. There was truth in what she said but I wasn't ready to accept it yet.
“Asa.” A tear rolled down Grey's cheek, leaving a trail wherever it went. I swallowed hard, the pain in her voice wasn't something I could ever brace myself enough to here. “Please, I can’t take it.” Her voice was quiet, as though she didn't want me to here her but another part of her did. I didn't move for a moment. The fact she had let her guard down for one second was enough for me to realize she was sad. Once, I saw her cry because of her mother three years ago and I vowed to myself I would never he the reason for her sadness. But my presence flooded in the memories she had been trying to block out and I was the reason for her tears. All at once my feelings seemed to threaten to tear a hole in my heart and jump out at her. But I breathed.
Not today. Not right now. It was to risky. From the look in her glassy eyes, I knew she wanted to talk. Every inch of me screamed to run away and never look back. But I couldn't. For the past three years all I had tried to do was submerge myself in others and work to forget about her. No matter what I knew I would never let go. Sierra realized that the day she left. But it took me until know to realize that the more I ignored she was out there they more I would submerge myself in sadness. Right there I decided I didn't want to live that way anymore. There is a beauty in surrendering. It was my time now.
Glancing at the boxes, I desperately tried to think of a place with no camera's besides my house and the little apartment loft I own because my mother insisted. It would be too suspicious if I invited her over for coffee. Not after everyone in the fraction knowing our connections. My mind raced. "Anyways." Clearing my throat my eyes left hers and I pointed to those boxes. "If you don't mind, could you help me put them away." Grabbing half of the boxes, I lead her to the back of the shop, and hold open the door to the room for her. It had no cameras so I considered it was safer them out there. Setting the boxes down I stared at her waiting for her to say something.
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THANK YOU MALIA TATE FROM ADOXOGRAPHY |
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