As the days go by [OPEN]

Grey grew a little weary as the young man walked towards her. She could now tell that he was dauntless due to the way he was suited up; black, black and more black. However, that was the only thing about him that seemed to portray him that way. He wore a grin and he didn’t look as stern and rigid as most dauntless did. He was also young, probably the age before the choosing ceremony.

She was curious, what would a young dauntless be coming up to her for? Not that it bothered her, but it sparked a flame of wonder. He was darker-haired and his smile ceased to fade even as he came up closer to her. "Hello, I hope you don't mind me being over here…do you mind if I join you?" He asked.
Grey tried not to crack a smile. The dauntless was so polite… He seemed so out of place with that black uniform on, “Not at all, the land is free” Grey said patting the piece of land beside her, okaying him to sit-down. Grey grew stiff, nonetheless, she did not like the dauntless and she wasn’t even much of a chatter among the abnegation. However, just like her, it wasn’t his fault he was born dauntless so she couldn’t be shrewd to him just because of that. Plus, it would be more abnegation-like to be welcoming.

She vaguely, maybe, possibly recognized him as one of the million youngsters that ran about the pit prior to her choosing ceremony three years ago, however, she doubted he recognized her. “What are you doing alone here?.. At night? Don’t you guys travel in packs?” She asked in a joking matter, but then wished she had taken it back. I hope that was offensive, she thought.

The dauntless sat down near her. Still chipper and even pleasant. "Yeah I guess we do sometimes, and I'm just ending a glorious day of skipping class." He had said. She was half socked at how relaxed he seemed and half shocked at how he hasn’t even called her a ‘stiff’ yet. It made Grey smile, she didn’t even know this kid yet, but she already had gained a great deal of respect from the way he treated her. He would make a great representative for abn-….hmm… that wouldn’t happen would it? Dauntless rarely transfer… She thought. She couldn’t think that, not yet. He was young and she hardly knew him.

Grey was a lot different than this. She wasn’t as chipper and much less as relaxed in conversation as he. "My friends…sort of forgot me here earlier." He answered to her earlier question. Who just does that? Friends?… She thought as she saw a slight frown appear on his face. She immediately felt horrible about asking and scratched her hairline. “Well, it shows you can deal on your own quite well, don’t it?” She said in attempt to bust his spirits back up. “Oh, I’m Grey by the way.” She put out her hand to shake, but then pulled back immediately. Being with a dauntless reminded her of how they “shook” on a greeting. She didn’t do that anymore.

Grey snorted, “Sorry, three years and adjusting is still a rough transition… How are things back at dauntless anyways.” Grey never really thought she’d ever ask a dauntless that question or even mention that she was a transfer, but with him, it seemed alright. He seemed like he was anything but the judging type. Plus, days like this almost made her miss her family back there.

"Well it's lovely to meet you Grey. I'm Andy." He said. Grey nodded, she liked the name and it suited him well. “And you as well.” She guessed "Andy" was short for "Andrew". She liked names like that, ones that require a nickname. Back in dauntless she was nicknamed "Huddy" and planned to be permanently called that once she became a dauntless initiate. However, that was before her mother had taken her own life, and before the aptitude test. The test that didn’t really give her correct results, but gave her more of a reason to leave dauntless.

"Same as always I guess. Still critical of other factions and being a little over the top." Andy said with a shrug. Grey nearly burst out laughing and hit the ground beside her. "How's life in Abnegation?" He also asked. “Andy, I’ve bet you’ve hit the nail right on the head there! But no… I guess the dauntless are not all that bad.” She said still trying to hold herself together, however, then stopped to think about the question. “Abnegation,” She wasn’t too sure what to say, “You know, selfless as usual... Some people a bit more than others. Telling all the other factions what to do and how to do it.” She pulled at the grass besides her, “I like it though. At times I feel out of place, like maybe it wasn’t the right choice… But I could not stay in dauntless. I love their fiery spirit for adventure… but… it wasn’t me.” She spoke quietly, “It was hard to leave.” Grey shook her head, did I just say that? She thought. It had been a long time, a really long time since she had opened up to anyone like that. It was hard to talk about such deep, personal experiences in Abnegation because in Abnegation people didn’t talk about themselves; they just held it in forever. It had felt like a weight had been lifted up her shoulders and she shrugged, “Sorry, I’m not being as “stiff” as I should be, huh?”

Grey looked up, colors started to emerge in the sky as the sun began to descend. It’s rays had barley started hitting the ends of the earth. Orange and pink stained the clouds and casted a foggy-glow on the marsh in front of them. It was beautiful. Was it like this beyond the fence? Was it better? Whatever it was, one day Grey wanted to find out where those colors went after the sun went down. She did want adventure in her life, but she also wanted to be giving. Choosing between the two had been one of the most challenging decisions of her life and still to this day she had no idea whether she chose the right path or not. But what was she going to do? Become factionless? In school they learned that even death is better than being factionless.

"It sounds like a wonderful place to live, I really admire how each faction does everything differently. Though it wouldn't hurt for them to work together every once in awhile."

Grey looked down and fidgeted with the tie on her cargo pants, “Well Andy. I guess they try. But as you say, each faction does things differently and when our lifestyles vary so much how can one expect us to work together like we should? A bright and colorful person doesn’t like wearing grey. A brave soul can’t always be honest. Most don’t believe that age and capability should determine whether or not you should live or die.” She shook her head and her mouth tasted bitter from those last words. She could never forgive the dauntless for that trait, that selfish, selfish trait. She glanced at Andy, how could someone so tender-hearted for other factions agree to his friends and family giving their life away once they've reached the age of 50? In abnegation, the elderly were cherished, celebrated almost. They had spent their whole lives giving, so we gave to them in return. It was like a 'good neighbor' policy. No one gets left behind and everyone is accepted for who they are. In dauntless, they were tested by strength and the ability to fight fear. Those who didn’t meet standards either died or were kicked out, on their own. It was cruel. She wondered what Andy thought about that, or if he had realized the challenges that may or may not face him in the future.

"I don't think you're a stiff. You are who you are, and no matter if you're Abnegation or not, you're still a person and a person deserves to be treated with respect. So to me you're just Grey not stiff."

Grey smiled and shook her head. She had no answer to that. Even Grey called herself a stiff, it was what she grew up with. She never thought it was nice, or true, but hey, people will think what they want about the abnegation. People only called the abnegation names because they knew they we're to selfless to do anything about it. Grey shrugged and spoke, “Andy, has anyone ever told you that you’re too open-minded to even be dauntless-born? I mean C’mon. You’re nicer, maybe even more sensible than I am.” She shrugged, “Not that dauntless people can’t be open-minded but…..” Greys voice turned more serious now and she pondered for a little while, “Andy, the dauntless are good people, but…” She stopped again. How can I phrase this? “Initiation, they’re going to rip you to shreds if you even show one sign of hesitation.”

She had to say it. If he was currently set on dauntles, she may be able to save his life, or save him from possibly being factionless. She wondered how he would react to that statement. The year before the choosing ceremony is possibly one of the most stressful years of ones life and with a comment like that she would be surprised if he didn’t snap back at her or defend himself. She would’ve done the same. Abnegation was a last-minute choice for her. Yea, she didn't fit into abnegation perfectly, but she fit in it better than dauntless. And yes, like Andy, she had the capability to make it through initiation, but her life would’ve been miserable. “Bravery and stupidity are two different things. It is braver than it is stupid to leave when you know you should.” She said hitting the side of one hand to her palm trying to reinforce the words. She wondered if she should shut-up yet? She felt a little selfish for talking so much, but things like this she had been through. And for all she knew she may never see Andy again, so what did it matter that she was lecturing him?

tag; Andy J. McHale

notes; sorry, Grey is in the lecturing mood today : /

"I've been told that, well in a different away. My sister's been trying to help me become more like what a Dauntless born is supposed to be like…"

So Andy knew he was different, well duh… She could feel his desperation to want to be more like the dauntless in his voice, his posture. Grey saw that she must have struck a nail on his head. It seemed to her that Andy must have known deep inside that he was never completely cut out for dauntless but he just needed to be told it to realize it. Grey rested her chin on her knuckles and thought about how his friends had “forgot” about him and it seemed that even his friends knew that Andy was different. She felt a pang of sympathy for him in her gut, but what could she do?

"They probably will…but going through with the Dauntless initiation is the only I'll be able to see my family. My family takes faction before blood very seriously…"

Grey shook her head again. She needed to find something else to fidget with because the grass around her was nearly gone and the ties on her pants were fraying. What Andy said seemed a little bit hypocritical and she scrunched up her face to try and think about it, “If they take faction before blood very seriously, they should understand that you may belong in another faction and respect that you chose it over ‘blood’, your family.” Grey said as she found a nearby twig, “By staying in dauntless, you would be choosing blood before your desired faction.” Grey broke the twig into various pieces. He means to say they won’t visit him if he changes factions, they would see him as a traitor… he mind thought instead. Grey’s father, the only one left of her family had never come to visit her. She hadn’t seen him since the way he just starred at her when her blood spilt over the stones of abnegation at the choosing ceremony. She had felt horrible; his wife had just died and now his only child was leaving as well.

"I wish it was that easy…you know, just transfer. But there's strings attached, I could never leave my sister behind……. I'd honestly be happier about not fighting…but then…I'd think of them, and I'm not sure if I could handle it."

Grey looked at Andy, “You’re right, it’s not easy, but it is possible. I may not have had any siblings, but I had many friends and family that I left behind. If your sister truly loves you, she’d visit you and continue to love you no matter what faction you choose.” Grey persisted. She knew where Andy was coming from; that it was easier said than done to leave and that the dauntless don't take well to traitors, but maybe when he takes the aptitude test and finds himself in the moment of the ceremony he will know what’s best for him. “I’ve done all I can Andy… The rest is up to you.” Grey smiled party as the words came out, but not a real smile, not a sympathetic smile either, but a forced smile that said it all. The kind of smile you give to someone when you wish them luck as they attempt to do the impossible.

Grey looked up at the sunset now. It was half-way buried under the marsh and she could no see in between the trees around them. A black coat of darkness surrounded them and the light was fading quickly. It was just about time to head back to Abnegation and right on cue with a train whistle far off in the distance. She knew that was Andy’s mode of transportation. Hers was on foot, but Grey was always okay with walking. She has learned to enjoy it. Sometimes, that it. She sat up a bit more, looked at Andy and wondered if he had any more questions. She would be glad to answer. “If you ever need anything Andy, you know where to find me.” Grey would be glad to help as well, not just because she was forced to by her abnegationess, but because she actually would love to help.

tag; Andy J. McHale

notes; A few more posts whynot?

Grey starred in silence at the sunset. She knew she had upset him. Grey was really good at that, she didn’t think that there was even one conversation she had ever had with someone that was even close to a happy ending. She knew it too; she was nice, however, unpleasant at the same time. It must be the abnegation in her that has slowly been growing; politically active concerning everyone else’s personal situations. She nodded at Andy’s comment not looking at him. She didn’t want to see how uncomfortable, how indecisive he looked. She knew she had just made things really complicated and stressful for him. Grey sighed and landed her hand on Andy’s back with a pat. It was all she could do to try make him feel better and lower the tension he held. She didn’t know what to say and she knew if she talked anymore that she would just makes things worse for him.

"Um, Grey…I was hoping…I was hoping you'd tell me why you left Dauntless? What did you have to deal with? Does it ever get easier?"

Grey was taken by surprise. She gulped and bit her lower lip because it wasn’t exactly a comfortable subject. Now it is my turn to feel uncomfortable. She pondered a bit thinking up excuses. It wasn’t for me… my aptitude results scored me as a stiff… Because I wanted to be selfless… But those would all be lies because none of those were the reasons why she left. She would have stayed in dauntless had it not been for, “A few months before the choosing ceremony my mother became disabled by a freak accident and was no longer useful to the dauntless.” She choked on her words, took another breath and began again, “They expected her to either leave or die… So she took her own life.” Grey massaged her temples expecting herself to stop, but the words were so eager to come out after being locked up for nearly three years, “Then they celebrated her death like she was some kind of hero. I wanted to barf, it was disgusting! Here these people forced her to take her own life and then they fucking celebrate her! Like it was honorable for her to realize that she was useless!” Grey’s voice cracked and she shook her head feeling very embarrassed. “People who think like that are…” She could feel her face getting hot thinking of all the words she could use for the dauntless, but for Andy’s sake restrained from saying them. Collecting herself, she finished her answer "At times it gets real hard, but it gets better. Trust me..."

Here Andy asked her a simple question and she responds in a freak-style rant. Grey hadn’t talked like that in a long time and surely nobody in abnegation knew anything Andy had just learned in these past few minutes. “I hope that answers your question….” She said, her face blushing as she stood up in the now, almost complete darkness.