toasts to the past // CARMEN

toasts to the past // CARMEN Jul 12, 2014 11:45:52 GMT -5

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Post by Mara A. Dyer on Jul 12, 2014 11:45:52 GMT -5

mara dyer

for @carmen

words - 

A PERFECTLY CONSTRUCTED ALIBI

I wasn't certain of how I had found my way up outside. Anything to get me out of the office right now, I had too much on my mind. The height wasn't too comforting either. When I'd first arrived after initiation, the idea of even being as high as the Eleventh floor was absolutely terrifying. It wasn't natural that the ground should be so very far away from me, when I'd been raised to see earth as more of a learning partner than just something to be trod upon, something to raise buildings on. Where I was raised, it was to be studied not just be used for our own sake. 'Learn something from it,' my mothers voice would say. Fuck that. I didn't want to learn. I can imagine what she would say. 'God gave you a mind, use it.' she would pause. '- and that language is for the uneducated. Go be fraction less if you want to be vulgar.'

Yes, God. I'd found as my life progressed that no matter how hard I had tried to banish this god from my heart and mind, he'd wormed his way back in to brush the hair back from my forehead and whisper blessings in my ear. I'd taken to praying again, taken to blessing the food given to me like it was a gift and not the veiled message that it was. Maybe I was desperate. Some would call me that, others would call me a smart girl. Saving my soul for when I died.

But I liked to tell myself I could save myself and I didn't need anyones help. I didn't need my parents, my siblings, friends or anyones help. I didn't need Montgomery for my job, I was fine by myself. But no matter what people seem to come into my life when I least want them, but most need them. I think it's God's little way of telling me to stop trying to do everything on my own. Maybe some people were right. But everything had changed. People have changed, I could think of many people who have. I don't think I changed, but someone else could say something different. In my opinion the only thing that changed was my clothing style. No longer blue.

Black & White.

Like everything was that simple.

But it wasn't.

Even I knew that.

Finding myself walking with my books in my hand, looking at the shiny studs on my shoes, I walk until I hit a mass force right into my chest. The books slammed into me and I felt the hard covers prod into me. "Jesus." I say on impact of hitting her on the side of the shoulder. It took me aback for a moment. It took me a few seconds to regain my full confident stature. And I cursed under my breath. "I wasn't paying attention." I say in a little less apologetic then I should have.

ordinary acts
an au divergent role-play

toasts to the past // CARMEN

Post by Mara A. Dyer on Jul 12, 2014 11:45:52 GMT -5

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